6 Questions to Ask Before Marriage

According to recent data, the average couple dates between two to five years before getting engaged.

Once engaged, the average couple waits around 12 to 18 months before getting married.

That’s a lot of time to get to know one another – but are you getting to know your partner in the ways that count? 

You might know your partner’s favorite food, the movie they watch every time it’s on, what their first concert was or where they went on their most memorable vacation.

All great stuff to know, but what about those sometimes less comfortable conversations?

Knowing the questions to ask before marriage ensures you’re both on the same page before you join your lives together.

The wedding planning process is just a snippet of what you may experience going through life, so how your planning goes can tell you quite a lot.

Luxury Los Angeles wedding planner Elizabeth McKellar, owner of The Nouveau Romantics, said to Brides.com “A wedding is a micro vision of the larger macro vision of life. The time couples spend wedding planning allows them to decide how they want to navigate familial traditions, cultures, expectations, and needs as they transition into their new lives as their own family.”

6 Questions That Every Couple Should Ask Before Marriage 

You don’t always need a huge interview-type list to see if you’re both really ready to take on the rest of your lives together. But here are 6 questions every couple should ask each other before marriage to get a good honest look at their futures:

1.  What Are Your Financial Goals? What Is Your Relationship With Your Finances?

Finances aren’t always a comfortable or fun topic amongst couples. A survey conducted by SunTrust Bank found that 35% of couples state that money is their number one source of friction. Having the finances conversation before getting engaged can make sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to your relationship with money.

How do you view your finances? What spending do you prioritize? Should we merge accounts or keep funds separate? What are your financial goals? All of these are excellent questions to ask before marriage.

 2.  What Is Your Stance On Having A Family?

The family decision is a huge one. A couple with one partner who has always dreamed of having children and one who has always envisioned being child-free is going to run into some pretty challenging hardships down the road. Ask your partner what their feelings on having children are, what options they’re open to, and if their vision aligns with yours.

3.  Do You Have Any Deal-Breakers?

There is a lot of room for compromise in relationships, but not everything can be compromised. Most people have “deal-breakers” in a relationship and it’s good to know what those might be before walking down the aisle. If one half of a couple absolutely does not want to live in the city and one half of a couple considers country living a deal-breaker, their long-term compatibility might be a challenge.

Each part of a couple can have different deal-breakers, it’s just important that they align with one another.

4.  How Do You Like To Have Your Space?

A key to a successful partnership is respecting one another’s individual needs. Some partners want to be together as much as possible, while others might need some more alone time in order to manage stress and recharge. Asking your partner how they like to have their space, when they need their space, and how this can be respected is a key point to a long and happy relationship.

When challenges arise and arguments happen, this question is particularly important. If one half of a couple prefers to separate themselves for a little while to mull over a situation, they may not respond well to feeling pressured to “hash it all out” right away. Space is an important part of maintaining long-term satisfaction. 

5.  What Family Boundaries Do You Have?

When you’re beginning your own family things can get pretty complicated if in-laws are over-involved. Making sure your extended family boundaries align with one another can help you to avoid unnecessary conflict. Partners who keep similar boundaries, or who respect fair boundary compromise, are likely to have a happier and more satisfying life together.

6.  What Are Your Thoughts On Intimacy?

Intimacy is important in any marriage but coming together in intimacy isn’t always easy. You’ll go through seasons in your lives when things are busy, stressful and complicated, and this might translate into dryer spells here and there. Sexual compatibility may wax and wane but openness in embracing other forms of intimacy can help to keep that spark going.

With open communication surrounding intimacy you and your partner can better understand where each other are coming from, and both parties will be far less likely to harbor feelings of insecurity or neglect during those difficult periods.